Thanksgiving was a little different this year. For one thing, we were only celebrating with Aven's side of the family as my mom had recently had her knee surgery and was not up for the long drive down to the valley or hosting up in Princeton.
The other thing that was different this year is that we (Aven and I) were planning to let everyone in on our secret joy and tell them about the new family member that we would be expecting to join our family in May!
However, as life does, a twist was thrown at us when at my dating ultrasound two weeks before Thanksgiving, the embryo was only measuring at around 5 weeks instead of the 9 weeks that my dates indicated.
When the ultrasound tech told me the baby was too small to see, I thought she was upset at me for mixing up my dates and I was embarrassed that I had wasted their time. She told me to re-book a new appointment in two weeks and so I did that. I was completely baffled as to how I could have got the dates so wrong.
It wasn't until my mid-wife called the following week after receiving the ultrasound report and informed me that it was likely the baby wasn't growing and there was a strong change that I would miscarry did it even occur to me that it wasn't my date calculations that were the problem. The mid-wife said there was still reason to hope for the best because sometimes dates could just be wonky but the most likely scenario here was a miscarriage. I still felt very pregnant at that time, so I was sure it was a dates thing.
However, as the days went by, I felt my energy levels increase and my nausea decrease that I began to believe that all might not be well.
But I still kept on hoping for the best, and hosted Thanksgiving as planned which was such a wonderful time of family and good food! After our big turkey dinner was feasted on and then cleaned up, we packed up the coffee maker, S'mores fixings, and other yummies and headed across the street to the other little property where Aven made a wonderful fire and we sat around and enjoyed coffee and deliciousness-ess and the cozy comfort that only be found gathered around a fire with those you love.
The only sorrow on that day was that I had started to bleed.
Two days later I miscarried the baby that would have been our fourth child. We had been hoping for a boy. A brother for M to rough around with. A baby for W to love and cuddle and play with. A rounding out of our family.
It was early in the pregnancy. I know that. But, still, I will always carry the little one around in my heard because he was already there.
Uncle Tom playing Reverse Charades with the older kids.
Grandma and Auntie with the two little ones in the playroom.
Carving the bird. Haha - love you, honey!
Gathered around the table enjoying the good food.
Yum!
Set up, ready for part 2 of the evening.
Just enjoying the fire.
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