Well, it's been about four and a half months since I gave up working full time and things are going GREAT!
There was a bit of a rough transition period for me which I was not expecting at all. I thought I would have my last day at work and then I would be taking walks in the park, whistling merrily and enjoying every second of solitude that I had.
Instead, I found myself riddled with guilt that I was at home while my husband was working hard. I was sleeping in while he was getting up early. I was making next to no money but being the main spender. I felt like I needed to be productive every minute, scrimp and save every penny I could, and just generally martyr myself while at home because I felt so, well, undeserving of it.
You have to realize, I have worked full time for the past 14-ish years. I don't know what its like to not work full time. I'm used to being an equal contributor financially to the household.
This was all uncharted territory and it was terrifying.
Fortunately, when all the scary thought built up to much, and I confessed my stress and guilt to Aven, he would pep talk me around. Poor guy. He must have thought I was just ridiculous, but he would tell me so lovingly that this situation with me being at home with the kids was his ideal situation. He likes working to provide this opportunity for us. He loves having me be the one to take care of the kids. He wanted me to take full advantage of this and enjoy it! Enjoy it!? Can you imagine?
I was chatting with my ever-wise cousin the other day, and she expressed it so perfectly in that when something bad happens she (and I) tend to feel like its deserved somehow and to be taken on the chin. But when something good happens, we feel guilty and undeserving and like we're cheating the universe somehow. Like this must have been a mistake that we get this enjoyment and somehow, somewhere there will be payback.
These days, I'm managing to let go of the stress and stuff and actually sit for a minute when I have some time at home. Also being 6 weeks away from my due date is helping that along!
I am working part time as well, still - 10 hours a week doing the books for a law firm. I do this while the kids are at school, and I also work 4 - 6 hours a week at the church in the office. Both jobs are quite flexible and I'm liking the balance of work and home time.
Once baby comes, that will be a whole new challenge. But for now, there is not one thing that I would change about my life. I couldn't ask for anything more or different, and I think, holy shit, that's pretty amazing.
