Life is Messy

Have you ever noticed while reading blogs, especially “mom” blogs that it would seem that they lead perfect lives?  No one posts about the crap in life that happens.  And that makes sense.  Why would someone want to share with the whole world something that is painful to them?  There are of course the blogs that are basically dedicated to one large traumatic event – loss of a child, infertility, cancer, etc.  And those blogs are wonderful but not what I’m referring to.  I’m talking about the mess of life that happens to us.  Why does no one really blog about those things?  Don’t get me wrong – birthdays, renovations, funny things our kids did….those are good things but they don’t make up LIFE.  Life is messy and hurtful and ugly at times.  I would be greatly comforted if I could read about someone else’s horribly embarrassing situation that didn’t end in an amazing life lesson or blossoms flowering everywhere because that’s not always how bad situations end.  Sometimes life is just hard.  Period. 

And because I would like to “put it out there” I will start.  I had a horrible experience last week.   Hurtful and humiliating, actually.

Working with 70 men has had its challenges over the years and there have been some interesting situations but nothing like happened this time.

It was Friday after my lunch break and I was walking from the ladies locker room through the main lunch room to head back down the stairs to the office.  I was almost to the stairs when I hear a fellow call out “Hey, Angela!”  I turn and see one of the shippers named Imran walking up to me.  “How are you doing?” he asks – he always talks in a loud voice.  “Fine, thanks” I answer and then he says in his loud voice “You’re looking larger.  You getting bigger, eh?”  I look at him because I can’t assimilate the words that he’s saying with his friendly tone of voice.  I say “Pardon me?”  which was a stupid thing to say – like I want him to repeat that – maybe I was trying to give him a chance to retract.  Mostly I was probably in a complete state of shock.  I should also mention that he had his arms out wide and moving them up and down like “Holy shit you’re huge” and also the lunch room was not empty.  No, there were a few fellows in there watching this with interest.    And I mean, I know I could lose a few pounds.  It’s not like I don’t WANT to.  And its not like I need it pointed out to me in front of everyone by this yahoo.

Anyways, so I say “Pardon me?” and he says “you should exercise – don’t you like to exercise?”  …and he keeps repeating this as well as the fact that I’m looking larger.

At this point I realized the situation was not going to improve so I turned and left the lunch room, basically running down the stairs to the safety of my desk.  The guy is following me, he has obviously picked up on the fact that I’m upset and he keeps trying to say he didn’t mean anything by it…  Finally, three quarters of the way down the stairs I turn to him and say “I think you should just F**K OFF!”

Then I rushed to my desk in total disbelief at what had just happened and text Aven to get some love.  I sat there staring blankly at my desk for the next 45 minutes, tears slipping down my cheeks as I wait desperately for Aven to text me back some reassurance.   He doesn’t disappoint me and his anger and outrage at this guy helps me pull myself together. 

I hear one of the supervisors page this fellow on an unrelated matter and then after a pause I hear him exclaim “Well, you SHOULD feel bad!”  but he doesn’t say anything to me about it. 

The men that witnessed the unfortunate scene went out of their way for the rest of the day to compliment me and were extra friendly and nice which was almost comical in its obviousness, but I appreciated the intention and effort a lot. 

Thankfully it was the weekend and I put the incident out of my mind as best I could but returning to work on Monday I soon discovered that it was actually the hot topic of conversation around the plant.   Common thought is that women are the worst gossips, but I will tell you, that is not the truth.  Ladies, we got nothing on these men when it comes to gossip, I will tell you. 

So first, in comes a shop steward.  Apparently Imran had talked to him “all distraught” about what he had said.  Except that what Imran told the shop steward did not include anything about me needing to exercise.  He simply told the shop steward that he had told me I looked “larger” which was a compliment where he was from.  That this was simply a matter of cultural differences.   When I explained what had ACTUALLY transpired, the shop steward told me I could push this fellow down the stairs if I liked and he would witness that the guy slipped. ;o) 

And then it turns out that the shop steward was not the only guy he was telling his “revised” sob story to.   I guess in that case it was fortunate for me that there were some guys he chose to do this in front of because they were able to set the record straight.  Although a bunch of men discussing my largeness and needing to exercise is not really something I would ever choose to have happen. 

One of the girls I work with did tell me that when the talk had reached her ears it was all negatively directed towards Imran and that the men were all very protective of me and my feelings in the whole situation.  This was a small consolation for me. 

Today when I came in to work there was a pot of mini roses and a lovely card “from the men in the shop” wishing me a wonderful day. 

At the end of the day, though, I still feel rather hurt and still humiliated over the whole incident.  I go out of my way to avoid this guy now.  I feel insecure about what people are saying about me and my not-perfect body.

Now I struggle with what my response will be to this guy who did the hurting and humiliating.  I feel God encouraging me to forgive.  The more human part of me feels like giving this guy a public set-down and not forgiving. 

I hope that whatever crap you’re facing in your life today, that you can draw some comfort and consolation that you are not the only one facing a mess.  I’m with ya, sister!  Bad days, crummy situations, inappropriate behavior, you can find it all right here.  Welcome to the club of life.